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Relationships

Being Strong in The Eyes of an Insecure Man

Strong women are perceived as “too much” by men who are struggling to find their place in this world. Due to their inability to keep up with self-sufficient women, they reject strong women and prefer more submissive ones. This can have negative consequences on strong women, as some of them feel the need to adjust themselves to feel “normal”.

During a blind date arranged by The Skin Deep, Noelene confessed to Dan that she feels her brutal honesty have shied people away from her and she doesn’t know how to get out of it. His response was, 

“You have a very fiery, sharp, distinct personality, so it’s gonna take someone so special to be able to handle you. I don’t mean that in away like “oh, she’s never gonna find somebody.” No, it’s just that, someone’s gonna have to rise to that challenge and enjoy meeting that challenge.”  

Noelene and Dan’s Blind Date

The Skin Deep,creator of {The And}, an interactive documentary that explores human connection through communication, partnered with OKCupid to set up a blind date for Noelene and Dan.

The couple engaged in a lengthy conversation and towards the end of first part of the date, Noelene asked Dan why he thinks she is single. He answered her by saying he thinks she isn’t picky but selective and she has a pretty good sense of who she is, in the way she talks and expresses her opinions.

But he also said that it could throw some people off because they feel the need to match who she is; while she’s showing all the depth, they’re not fully aware of themselves. She’s wouldn’t be interested in somebody who doesn’t know themselves as well as she does.

In the second part of the date, Dan was asked whether he feels chemistry with her or not. He said no, despite liking how smart and thoughtful she turned out to be. She exceeded his expectations. He claims to feel more comfortable being with someone who’s a little bit more “submissive”, or something in that sense.

Noelene later said:

“I feel like I’ve definitely like – not dumb myself down – but I’ve definitely dampened my personality quite a bit and that has become easier for a lot of people to handle”. 

She adds,

“The truer you are, the harder it may be but I feel like you’re also gonna meet someone who’s more true to themselves too.”

I think it’s safe to say that Dan is clearly insecure enough not to be able to keep up with a woman who is more assured and successful than he is. He has a clear preference – someone who is at the same level of growth as his. He feels devalued being with a woman who is fully aware of where she stands and what she deserves. He prefers to be with someone who is dependent on him, as it makes him feel important.

Unfortunately, there are many strong and confident women out there like Noelene who tend to feel inferior because they repeatedly get turned down by men who prefer women that yield control and tend to be more dependent. They feel like they need to adjust themselves to feel normal.

Men who are struggling to find their place in this world tend to run away from strong women. Insecure men tend to have the need to feel loved and needed, as they need constant validation.

Although a strong woman is capable of showing love, it still wouldn’t be enough because she chooses to be with her partner – she doesn’t need him to fulfill her life. Her ability of living with or without him makes him feel threatened and emasculated. He needs someone who is submissive enough to make him feel in control.

Strong women need to remember that their distinct qualities are what make them independent and powerful. They shouldn’t feel the need to adjust some aspects of their personality because some men can’t keep up with these particular qualities. A couple of bad experiences does not mean all men find strong women as “too much”. Every woman should choose someone who appreciates her greatness.

Here’s to Strong Women

At some point, Noelene felt she needed to change the way she’s built because she’s not being “wanted”. However, what do you need a partner for if you have to lower your standards to actually be with them? 

A partner should lift you up, support you, and help you with your personal growth. If he or she is not able to keep up with your confidence and and state of being, it simply means that you should look for someone else.

Feeling lonely is inevitable. We are social beings by nature, we need human connection. But it does not mean we should settle for someone who is clearly less than we deserve to obtain this connection.

The deeper we become, the more some people don’t know how to deal with the depth, honesty, and confidence. It scares some away because they feel less in control. Don’t let rejection affect the way you perceive yourself. Some men are intimidated by women with strong minds and beliefs. Sometimes people leave because you’re out of their league.

Don’t change yourself to fit in. There is someone out there who will be inspired by your strength, and it will be worth the wait. In the meantime, keep learning about yourself and keep growing. When you finally find that person, you’ll understand why it took so long. Don’t feel bad for having high standards, people who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them.

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