Being Strong in The Eyes of an Insecure Man

During a blind date arranged by The Skin Deep, Noelene confessed to Dan that she feels her brutal honesty have shied people away from her and she doesn’t know how to get out of it. His response was, 

“You have a very fiery, sharp, distinct personality so it’s gonna take someone so special to be able to handle you. I don’t mean that in away like “oh, she’s never gonna find somebody.” No, it’s just that, someone’s gonna have to rise to that challenge and enjoy meeting that challenge.”  

Noelene and Dan’s Blind Date

The Skin Deep,creator of {The And}, an interactive documentary that explores human connection through communication, partnered with OKCupid to set up a blind date for Noelene and Dan.

The couple engaged in a lengthy conversation and towards the end of first part of the date, Noelene asked Dan why he thinks she is single. He answered her by saying he thinks she isn’t picky but selective and she has a pretty good sense of who she is, in the way she talks and expresses her opinions. But he also said that it could throw some people off because they feel the need to match who she is; while she’s showing all the depth, they’re not fully aware of themselves. She’s wouldn’t be interested in somebody who doesn’t know themselves as well as she does.

In the second part of the date, Dan was asked whether he feels chemistry with her or not. He said no, despite liking how smart and thoughtful she turned out to be. She exceeded his expectations. He claims to feel more comfortable being with someone who’s a little bit more “submissive”, or something in that sense. Noelene later said:

“I feel like I’ve definitely like – not dumb myself down – but I’ve definitely dampened my personality quite a bit and that has become easier for a lot of people to handle”. 

She adds,

“The truer you are, the harder it may be but I feel like you’re also gonna meet someone who’s more true to themselves too.”

I think it’s safe to say that Dan is clearly insecure enough not to be able to keep up with a woman who is more assured and successful than he is. He feels devalued being with a woman who is fully aware of where she stands and what she deserves. He prefers to be with someone who is dependent on him, as it makes him feel important. Unfortunately, there are many strong and confident women out there like Noelene who tend to feel inferior because they repeatedly get turned down by men who prefer submissive women. They feel like they need to adjust themselves to feel normal.

Here’s to Strong Women

A strong woman is a woman who is a go-getter. She sets goals, and makes sure to push herself hard enough to achieve them. Due to her strong work ethic, she puts all her effort into reaching her potential because she values herself enough to become the best version of herself. She believes that if she fails, she will get back up and succeed.

A strong woman is a woman who always speaks up. She calls you out if you mistreated her, and doesn’t hold back. She is not hesitant to cut you off from your life if you crossed the line. She’s interested in your actions because she understands that intentions are not enough. She stands up for what she believes in, because she sticks to her morals and beliefs.

A strong woman is a woman who loves her independence. She is unafraid of being single, because she is self-sufficient and capable of being happy in her own skin. She wants someone who will add to her life, not take away her freedom.

A strong woman is a woman who acknowledges her flaws and insecurities, but she does not let them get in the way. She deals with them. She understands that these particular features are part of her being, so she accepts them. She is not someone who needs to be saved.

Men who are struggling to find their place in this world tend to run away from strong women. Insecure men tend to have the need to feel loved and needed, as they need constant validation. Although a strong woman is capable of showing love, it still wouldn’t be enough because she chooses to be with her partner – she doesn’t need him to fulfill her life. Her ability of living with or without him makes him feel threatened and emasculated. Moreover, he would feel even more insecure if she had a more successful career with a higher position. He needs someone who is submissive enough to make him feel in control.

Strong women need to remember that their distinct qualities are what make them independent and powerful. They shouldn’t feel the need to adjust some aspects of their personality because some men can’t keep up with these particular qualities. A couple of bad experiences does not mean all men find strong women as “too much”. Every woman should choose someone who appreciates her greatness.

At some point, Noelene felt she needed to change the way she’s built because she’s not being “wanted”. However, what is a partner for if you had to lower your standards to actually be with them? A partner should lift you up, support you, and help you with your personal growth. If he or she is not able to keep up with your confidence and and state of being, it simply means that you should look for someone else.

Feeling lonely is inevitable. We are social beings by nature, we need human connection. But it does not mean we should settle for someone who is clearly less than we deserve to obtain this connection. The deeper we become, the more some people don’t know how to deal with the depth, honesty, and confidence. It scares some away because they feel less in control. 

Don’t let rejection affect the way you perceive yourself. Some men are intimidated by women with strong minds and beliefs. Sometimes people leave because you’re out of their league. Don’t change yourself to fit in. There is someone out there who will be inspired by your strength, and it will be worth the wait. In the meantime, keep learning about yourself and keep growing. When you finally find that person, you’ll understand why it took so long. Don’t feel bad for having high standards, people who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them.

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