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Relationships

Hello, Distance

Being in a relationship can be a safe haven. We are all prone to fluctuating emotions; may it be sadness, stress, anxiety, or depression.

But being with someone who acknowledges how we feel, who cares for us when we feel like we’re in the darkness, and who makes sure that we are doing okay, makes a huge difference in our lives.

It is always comforting to have a shoulder to lean on when we feel like we are falling apart. For a second, we feel like maybe we can take it a bit longer. We can survive and combat whatever we are going through, because we found the strength to endure the pain.

Love makes all the difference. Being able to share how you feel, and have it being heard despite all odds, is what creates the strong connection between a couple.

But relationships are not always rainbows and sunshines. The scenario I just described seems like a fairytale because, often, it is not the case. It is in the dark times when the strength of the relationship is tested. It’s when you can tell whether you are a priority or not.

When you really love someone, you make time for them. Despite how busy you may be, you check up on them. You make sure that you maintain the connection that brought you together.

You understand that things can tough, but you can get it through it by talking about it, not dismissing it.

The worst part of all is expecting them to hear you and respect you, when they actually do not. The worst feeling anyone could ever feel is distant from a partner. Once the distance increases, it grows and it buries the feelings deep inside due to the inability to express them. It turns the pain into numbness and helplessness.

No room would be left for communication, and the relationship is bound to fall apart.

A long-lasting relationship is based on many things, but two of the most important ones are trust and truth. Constantly feeling the need to cover up your true emotions or to put on a mask to hide the pain you’re feeling is temporary. You can only maintain this façade for so long before something gives, and it’s usually a combination of your sanity and the relationship.

It’s easy to get into a relationship, even if you do not know what you are signing up for. But relationships are all about hearing one another. It’s about hearing the other side of the story, not just yours. It’s precisely when someone doesn’t feel heard, is when they start to feel lonely in the relationship.

The place where you are supposed to find refugee, becomes your war zone.

12 replies on “Hello, Distance”

I feel that most of them follow a natural progression: initial wow… to honeymoon period… to settling in… to routine… to getting bored… to trying to hold it together or deny the problems… to moving on. I guess it should be no surprise that I’ve never married, which perhaps might change things. 😉

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The honeymoon period is very common but routine doesn’t necessarily mean getting bored. Don’t you think the relationship has to evolve one way or another? I believe it’s the duty of the couple to work on that to ensure a dynamic relationship.

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I’m a believer in Providence so if two people must move on, they do… Sometimes with great regrets. One of my former partners said it was like she was being “dragged away by a big dog.” She’s now married with kids… Which I’m sure must have been… Must be. But you could also be right. In some cases keeping the flame alive is probably possible, desirable and in line with Providence. ☺️

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A real relationship requires lies. Knowing when the truth would wound deeper than a lie, that’s the sign of a caring partner. I’ve got a thousand lies that will follow me to the grave; lies I lovingly keep. Love = Lying. Only deity could say otherwise.

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I believe that there is absolute truth. But that people’s needs of the truth are a spectrum.

“I’m sorry ma’am, your boy passed away.”
“Did he suffer?”
“No ma’am, he went peaceful.”
~~~
“I’m sorry ma’am, your body is dead.”
“Did he suffer?”
“Yes. He lingered on for twenty minutes, thrashing and moaning, bleeding from the eyes and the ten or so lacerations caused by the flying glass.”

You pick.

I’m sure that in the goal of reducing the Universal total suffering index, the appropriate application of lies benefits the greater good. Unfortunately, our ability to dial in the correct ratio of lies to truth is imperfect.

Perhaps in a perfect world where humans were flawless, there would be no need to lie. Alas, I know of no such world.

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Communication is key. Things fall apart when one partner doesn’t make their voice heard or one partner doesn’t listen.
It’s a team effort. Relationships don’t maintain themselves. They require attention from both (or all) parties.

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I believe communication is what makes or breaks a relationship. Although many are aware of that, it could be very difficult to actually implement it. Don’t you think so?

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[…] 💻 The two most valuable things we get from our primary relationship are, I think, companionship and emotional connection. Carla Akil writes a lovely short essay about the latter of the two, and how it’s all about having someone to listen to you talk about how you feel. Read Hello, Distance […]

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